NFL Futures Bets Ahead of Week 1
The 2020 NFL season is starting this week with the reigning champion Half-A-Billy Boy Patrick Mahomes and the Kansas City Chiefs playing host Houston Texans. The Texans after a string of decisions that would make former Nets GM Billy King proud, finally did the right thing and signed franchise QB to a deal that would make an NBA players jealous. The NFL kicks off this new world, coronavirus contingent, quarantined emergency quarterback season with its two highest paid players, two Black Quarterbacks. The Chiefs start their campaign to defend their championship with a new addition to the team in Clyde Edwards-Helaire that looks to give them a new wrinkle in an already high powered offense, while the Texans begin life after their franchise star as Deandre Hopkins was traded to Arizona. This is why we love the NFL, every year theres a million new storylines- rookies in big roles, players on new teams, coaches with videos of them doing cocaine inside a team facility being hired to a Super Bowl contending team, domestic violence scandal they almost always mishandle, Tom Brady leaving the Patriots, new coaches, possible viral outbreak shuttering the entire league… the list goes on forever. It’s something about the seasons changing and summer heat turns to that blizzard in Denver after 90 degree days, that just signify American football. You know that familiar smell of burning confetti ash from a gender reveal starting an uncontrollable forest fire that just reminds you of hot dogs, pretzels and watching men repeatedly breathe in each others faces while they violently slam themselves into each other but can’t exchange jerseys after the game as a safety precaution. Well its here, fans or not, mainly because we make so much money doing this right here: Gambling.
After picking 7 winners in the first round of the NBA playoffs (lone loss is Milwaukee Bucks Sweep, I should’ve known better than to bet on Michael Carter Williams with an accent), I come to a total of 8-1 with one pending (Lakers to win championship +250). I will be making weekly NFL Best Bets and weekly Rompe Banca Parlays that will guarantee you need your cousin to wait for you outside your bookie because you leaving with a big bag of cash and you don’t really know anyone in this random barbershop back room basement.
NFL CHAMPIONSHIP ODDS
MY PICK: Baltimore Ravens (+500). Second favorite to win behind the Chiefs, taking them mostly because I think it’s almost impossible to repeat and watching Lamar Jackson is amazing. That coupled with a great defense puts them as my favorite to win the Super Bowl. But as with this pandemic has shown us, you need a backup plan and with the Ravens being conveniently +500, you can take 4 other teams to hedge your bets and still break even. Dallas Cowboys (+1200)– Dak wants to get paid just like Mahomes and Watson, look for this team to shed their Jason Garret guck off and contend with the best of them all year. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (+1200)– You bet against Tom Brady with these receivers if you want to, I just know I won’t be surprised if they win. Seattle Seahwawks (+1200)– Russell Wilson is the best quarterback in the league, yes I know who Patrick Mahomes is, but one guy has done it for longer and is married to Ciara. The other guy is doing amazing but he’s just not married to Ciara, sorry. New England Patriots (+4000)– You bet against Bill Belichick with Cam Newton and that defense if you want to, again you not surprising me if they win.
DIVISION WINNER ODDS
AFC EAST: For the first time in my adult life the Patriots are not the favorite to win the AFC East. With that being said I will not be the person betting against them, Patriots (+180) is my pick here.
AFC NORTH: Keeping it simple, Lamar Jackson is really that good. Ravens (-180)
AFC SOUTH: Taking a good look at Jaguars +2500 here and think to myself is anyone that stupid to actually pick this? Anyway, Tennessee Titans (+180) a coin toss over Indianapolis Colts (+110) just because I’m not betting on old man Rivers.
AFC WEST: Gruden the “quarterback guru” came out of coaching retirement and is stuck with Derek Carr meanwhile my pick to win the division has an actual quarterback guru and maybe the most talented quarterback to ever play the game. Chiefs (-400)
NFC EAST: Dallas Cowboys (-175) said they’re kneeling, I say they’re winning, we said what we said.
NFC NORTH: Aaron Rodgers got the starting job through a Brett Favre neglecting his predecessor controversy and it looks like he’s going out the same way, but knowing Rodgers he will not go out without a big FUCK YOU. Green Bay Packers (+200) claiming the top spot one last time before Rodgers eventual tumultuous departure.
NFC SOUTH: Tampa Bay Buccaneers (+160), I’m just not betting against Tom Brady bro, it’s just not happening.
NFC WEST: Super Bowl hangover is real, so I’m going Seattle Seahawks (+220).
The first matchup is on Thursday with the Chiefs (-10) at home versus the Texans. With my first pick of the NFL Season being the OVER 54.5. Lock that in and tip your bookies.